the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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