margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
