He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
