just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
