not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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