I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
