I hate all girls vehemently.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
