so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Randomize
