I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
