tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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