wakey wakey hands off snakey
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
