its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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