I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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