yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
