Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
