So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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