I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
