like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I need to wash the frat house off of me
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
