sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
