just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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