is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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