It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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