dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
