To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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