Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
