I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
