That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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