I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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