Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
