respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
