lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
