Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
