broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just gift wrapped bread.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
