Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
