You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
