I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
