i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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