The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
