I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
