We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Randomize
