i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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