shes about as inviting as chlamydia
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
