i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
