The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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