I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
