I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
