My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
my liver is dry heaving
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
