you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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