Porn is love you can see.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
