Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
