Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
